School Pictures!

Breckyn and Xander got their School pictures back! And as I assumed my little princess looks just like that, a little princess.  While my little goofball son, was NOT having any part of getting his picture taken! LOL! :) But the pictures of them together we good!



It was hard to pick!! But we got #3!




Not that I don't LOVE my son, but we did NOT order any of his!
 He is generally a really Smiley boy!




I guess all he needed was his sister! :) We got #3!



Breckyn is FOUR!!!

Breckyn is FOUR!!! Where has the time gone? She is such a blessing and so much fun!  Here are some quick facts about her:

She is in the 95% for height

70% for weight

Dr. Burns said Breckyn is at the cognitive age of 5 or 6!

She is a smart girl, and is picks up things quickly (even when she shouldn't!)

Wears size 5 pants (as long as it is an adjustable waist)

Small or X-Small in shirts (depending on the shirt)

Size 10 in shoes

She is all about fashion and argues with me everyday about what she is going to wear!

Likes:

Everything Princess (right now we are into Sleeping Beauty)

Tinkerbell

Scooby Doo

Coloring

She is really getting into dolls and loves changing their diapers! LOL!

Her brother! Yes, that is correct! She always tells him how much she loves him!

Playing Angry Birds on my phone!

Anything on PBS or Qubo channels

She is learning to ride her bike, which is hard when you have no SAFE roads to learn on! But we have been working on that in our driveway and our neighbor Gizzelle's drive way! :)

Lizards- We have a lot of bright green lizards that like to climb up the sides of our house and she always asks me if we can bring them inside and keep them as pets! LOL!

Lola Jean and Toby (our two schnauzers!), to bad that don't feel the same way about her. Toby usually tries to run from her, but Lola "tolerates" her as long as I am close by!

Dislikes:

She is a pretty easy going four year old, that really doesn't dislike a whole lot of things! LOL!

She is not a huge fan of cheesy potatoes, which is something her brother LOVES

Not getting to pick the nightly movie. She thinks she has to have control over everything! (wonder were she gets that from?)

My little Fairy Princess!



Lola Jean letting Breckyn rub her belly!




Getting ready to cheer on our Wildcats!




She picked this cake out all by herself. It was a MESS to clean up!




Dancing with her cousin Jae at Uncle Shermy's wedding in July



Xander is TWO!!!

It's hard to believe my little monkey boy is TWO! I had a TON of different emotions and cried more than a "few" times!! The hardest thing for me is that my baby, it's a baby anymore. He is all Toddler, and ALL BOY! He climbs on everything and is a rough, tough, boy!

Blowing out his candels on his cake!



Opening his presents!



Opening his Birthday card from his Great Grandpa and Grandma Travis



Here is a little info on Xander:
He is approx 29lbs! (70%)
He is in the 95% for height! (I forgot the exact measurement)
Wears 2T clothes, size 8 shoe.

Likes:
Bath time. I think this kid is part fish!
Coloring
Cars
Trucks
Scooby Doo! This is our new favorite thing right now!
His sister! He says he loves her all the time!
School! He loves going to school and seeing his friends and teacher!!
Fishsticks and chicken nuggets! This kid can DOWN them!
Books
The Moon (Yes, I said the moon. He points it out every night!)

Dislikes:
Diaper changes! Don't worry we are working on this! He has been telling me when he has to go and he has been going EVERYTIME I put him on the potty!! WHOHOO!! We are getting closer!!!
Not a huge fan of mac n cheese now.  He used to LOVE it, but now he isn't a huge fan.

October is a tough month for me

October is always an especially hard month for me, but it also gives me a chance to spread the word about  Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness.   For some people they have zero trouble getting pregnant and have the "perfect" delivery.  Others, like me, are NOT that lucky.  I have shed more tears than anyone should ever have to do when trying to conceive.  Between fertility issues and miscarriages, I was sure I was never going to have the family I do now, but I thank GOD every day that I do.  But even more upsetting, knowing all the other women who have had it worse than me.  I have met so many that have had many more miscarriages than me, and far worse fertility issues, but we all share a special bond that NO ONE who has NEVER had fertility issues or miscarriages will ever know. 

I constantly find myself  thinking about the days I found out I was pregnant. The excitement. The fear. The doctor's appointments. The massive amount of sadness.  Don't get me wrong I would NEVER trade Breckyn and Xander for anything, but I do find myself thinking, what those babies in heaven would have looked like. Shoot, they actually may have looked like me, unlike my other two! LOL! But more than anything, I am reminded that GOD does have a plan for everyone, and you may not agree with it at the time, but he does have a plan, but at the time, I sure did not agree with it!

Another thing I have learned, is to fight through the pain, and to bite my tongue.  Also, that some people are just not that smart.  There were a lot of emotions running high through my miscarriages and for someone to tell me "It's OK, you can have another" or "Well, was it really even a baby yet?" or "It's OK to celebrate Mother's Day, even though you don't have a "real" baby" are COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE THINGS TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHO JUST LOST A BABY! There have been MORE times than I can count that I just wanted to smack someone in the head for their idiotic comment.  Like I said before though, if you haven't been through it you will never completely understand. Not that you wouldn't feel sorry or bad for them (and not that they won't appreciate your prayers and friendship), but you will never completely understand the pain and feeling of loss they have.

I had more trouble dealing with the guilt and depression than anything.  I couldn't help but feel like I was a failure at life.  I felt that that baby died because I was a horrible person.  After all, my body was the one that was suppose to protect this new life, and I couldn't even do that correctly.  The anger at myself, the guilt, and the depression were horrible. If it wasn't for a select group of friends who stood by me and u and helped me through it I would have gone down hill FAST. 

But it is amazing what life throws at you, because shortly after that last miscarriage, I found out I was pregnant with Xander, who, by all means, was my 2nd miracle baby! Breckyn coming at 5 weeks early via emergency C-Section, and the loss of blood I had, was my first miracle baby! :)  My Doctor pretty much told me that he was not going to survive because my progesterone was so low.  I would NOT take that as an answer.  Boy, were they wrong! :) Xander is now 2 and a perfectly healthy, boy, who runs, jumps, and CLIMBS everything, and I couldn't ask for me.

Moral of the story?  October is not only Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness as well. So, if you know someone who has had a loss or fertility issues, just let them know you are there and thinking about them, because the pain they are feeling is more than anyone should ever feel.